Blue Ballad

Phew,
just finished watching some Japanese animation series called NHK ni
youkoso! (Well, if you do wonder what this means, well, it means
welcome to NHK!). Now, now, we don’t talk about the NHK with
artists and singers here. In this series, by NHK, it means, Nippon
Hikkikomori Kyokai. So, what the heck is that? (yeah, I just knew
this question would pop out) Basically, it means Japan Organization
of Hikkikomori. Well, I just have this feeling that another question
will rise. So, here’s the deal, hikkimori refers to people who tend
to stay in their room and are afraid to go out on their own.  Got the
idea? You don’t, then get lost!

Then,
let’s go on. In this story, there is a character named Satou
Tatsuhiro. He’s a hikkikomori, who, according to Japanese, is a
failure as human being. He doesn’t go to work and he doesn’t
enter any school. Yeah, he’s unemployed and he’s a hikkikomori.
What could be worse? Regarding his being a hikkikomori, Satou
believes that NHK is responsible for this. He believes that there is
a certain organization that wants him to remain a hikkikomori
forever. One day, Satou meets a cute girl named Misaki. This Misaki,
she wants Satou to have a counseling session with her in order to
cure his hikkikomoro state. Satou puts every single effort to deny
his existence as a hikkikomori but eventually succumbs to that girl.
In the end, it turns out that Misaki is the one who needs Satou as
Misaki is also burdened by her past. In short, Misaki wants someone
who is worse than her to be beside her. She needs someone who is
worse than her, someone who needs her. This way, she can give a
meaning to her existence. Pathetic? What else could it be?

However,
there is something quite worth noting here. Below is a monolog of
Satou:

Question:
Why would someone want to continue living as a hikkikomori?

Answer:
Because his food, clothing, and housing are guaranteed. Since so, he
can afford to continue living as a hikkimori. But then, without food,
clothing, and housing, you don’t really have any choice but to
work, unless you want to die.

Well…
basically Satou starts working in order to satisfy his starved
stomach and slowly, he is free from being a hikkikomori. You can see
for yourself, the only thing that prevents Satou from achieving his
dream, from dropping his hikkikomori status, is none other but the
comfort he doesn’t want to leave. Seriously, this idea also works
for almost all of us. The only thing that prevents us from improving,
from reaching our dreams, is none other but our half-hearted soul
that refuses to leave behind the comfort that we are currently
dwelling in. Every single human is given the same twenty-four hours a
day and every single human is born the same manner. The thing is, how
come there are successful humans and some who aren’t? The answer is
that those who aren’t successful just DON’T HAVE THE MOTIVATION.
People address them as losers, yet they are contented. They feel
comfortable being ones. Sad? Definitely…

Now,
happiness isn’t a pack of instant noodle that you prepare in three
minutes and you eat in three minutes. Happiness is a glass of fine
wine that is prepared for years, and you enjoy it slowly. Meaning
that, happiness is a process of quality. There is no such thing as
instant happiness. You want happiness? Fine! Then go, and move your
lazy self around. You don’t wait for happiness to come, in fact,
happiness waits for you. There will be no happiness without any
effort. If there is, then that happiness is fake.

We,
humans, are undoubtedly fragile. We are weak, and we are often afraid
of uncertainty. I realize this myself. Still, if happiness is what I
really desire, then there will be no turning back. I know I should
just keep on going straight. I don’t know exactly where that
happiness is, but the thing is… as long as I move forward, one day…
one day… I might find a single bit of happiness hidden in the
desert that I’ve combed all this time…   

“Happiness
will be there only if you spread your arms to embrace it…”

Yo,
folks! How’s ur day? Good? That’s great! What about me? Well, to
be honest, I should really say, ‘It sucks.’ I’ve made a real
big and stupid mistake. Don’t ask me yet cos’ I’m going to tell
you what’s happening. So, keep your ears open, nah… that won’t
do! Keep ypur eyes ‘stead… this is the only chance in your whole
life you may laugh loudly out of my misery.

So, to
begin with, yesterday, I went to church. There, I practiced for
today’s fellowship. I practiced for about two hours or so, then we
went to WS (waroeng steak) to have some supper. Feeling satisfied of
our meal, we then went home, but I asked my friend to drive me to the
internet shop instead. In the internet shop, when I was about to go
home, I met another friend and we decided to have a trip around Yogya
for a while. So, there we went. Well, to speed things up, at last we
parted with each other. As I was sleepy, I looked for my PSP to have
a little music session before I closed these eyes. Just in case you
don’t know what PSP is, it stands for Playstation Portable, a
gadget which you can use to play games, mp3, and mp4 files.To my
astonishment, my bag, together with its content (which included PSP)
was gone!!! 

“THE
HECK! WHERE’S MY BAG?” After spending some time to try to stay
cool and sharp, I remembered that I left my stuff at the internet
shop. I rushed my way there and found my bag. Great? Yes! Awesomely
great? Nope, ‘cos you know what? My PSP was not there! I lost my
PSP! It cost me quite a bill, and it was gone! Sad? Yeah… I found
it difficult to sleep last night, anxiety overcame my restless soul.
This morning, I woke up and recollected all the data that might
relate to this incident. I looked for that cute gadget of mine and…
well, basically I couldn’t find it, even after I went all crazy
rushing right into the heavy rain (yah, it was raining cats and dogs
today). The conclusion is that, someone must have stolen it from me.

Basically,
I give up looking for it. Heck, it was difficult for me to accept
this as reality. I mean, I hope this was a dream, but no… it’s
reality after all. So, there is nothing else I can do. I mean, I am
indeed regretful and remorseful, still… there’s no point in
keeping those kinds of feeling for too long. Won’t change anything,
anyway. So, here I am, trying to recover from everything that has
happened, to get a hold of myself. Phew… I will make this a most
valuable experience and I will make sure that I’ve learned enough
from this.

So,
the next question, am I depressed? No way… I want to quote
something from the Bible. Here, watch this…

Rome
8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good
of those who love him, who have been called according to his
purpose.”

And
another one…

Genesis
50:20 says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it
for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many
lives.

So is
my faith, that god is working in all those happenings in order to,
not to provide a lot of good things for me ahead, but to fulfill His
purpose alone. This alone I will hold on firm.

In the
end…

Job
1:21b says, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, may be the
name of the Lord be praised.”

To
summarize stuff, bad things and good things may take place, may
occur, but as long as we keep our focus on God, somehow… somehow…
God will lead us through… blessed be His name!

For
time being, I want to spend some time to pray. I want to pray for the
person who has taken my cute little gadget from me, praying that
God’s mercy and compassion will be on him. I know this will be
difficult, but I have decided, I won’t stop halfway being a
Christian. When I say I am a Christian, I mean I am ready to put my
every thing on the line to be a real Christian. Well, anybody in? 

Several
months ago, I watched this movie called ‘Perhaps Love.’ It was a
dang heart-rending one. Since that day, I had been searching for its
soundtracks during the past several months, and you know what? A
while ago, I found ‘em on a certain store. This very moment, I am
listening to them and man… this heart really wouldn’t ask for
more. For time being, they’re sufficient to cure this apprehensive
heart.

So…
actually I don’t have any particular intention in typing this down.
I mean, I even don’t really know what I should write. Well, some
people say that a good way to start writing is by starting writing,
hehe… gimme a break, please… so, let’s just cope with this and
see where it will lead, kay? Saa… soro soro ikuyo (meaning, here we
go!)

To
start with, if I am not mistaken, several days ago, it was the
Valentine day and everyone was crazy about buying, asking, and giving
chocs altogether. Quite a scene, to be honest :p I myself, bought
some dark chocs, to give it away and to enjoy it with some of my
crazy buddies. The one that I gave away was received by my friend,
which was, eventually, said to be very bitter. Hah! It’s Wira
anyway, he loves bitter stuff so much that he, unconsciously, always
prefer the bitter one when it comes to making choices. But the thing
is, what was dang coming over me? Meaning, I usually don’t give
away chocs, but I gave one anyway… have I lost a hold of my
mountain-like firm principal? Or have I been that lonely that I need
someone to care for? … hey, hey… don’t get the wrong idea! I
haven’t fallen in love with any particular girl, yeah… I haven’t
and I won’t for some time ahead, been too tired to think about
love. Yeah, almost busted my brain out of my head cos’ of such
stuff. Bah…

Now,
what has been happening to me actually? What has been troubling my
heart? I mean, these few days, I have been spacing a lot and I think
I will space even more. I just want to know what really lies behind
this troubled heart. Is it disappointment? Or is it hopelessness? Or…
dunno, just name any adjective-derived noun that you think will fit
my situation. Yea… frankly speaking, I don’t think my trouble can
be described in my word, remembering that complexity has been a very
sticky part of mine. Heh… complexity it is…

The
fast is, what really happens is that things just haven’t gone
according my expectation. Nyam… I got this sickening pressure from
my dad. He pressured me to taking computer major, inheriting his
business, and living in Jakarta, in which, I can’t find any
satisfaction, peace, and joy IN ANY! Yeah, note that! IN ANY! And how
the heck could he expect me to find such in ALL? Well, at least, we
can describe this situation in one word, DAYDREAMING.

The
pressure then goes on. There is this somebody I have been loving ‘til
to this very second. However, the thing is that, she seems to, day by
day, moves away from my life slowly. Geh… how should I put this one
in words? Nah… won’t be able to, I’ll put it in your
imagination ‘stead. So, imagine you had someone you love, but you
just didn’t see a future with her together. Iiehh… how would you
feel? Yes, that very feeling is what I am feeling right now. Well, I
am starting to know what I am going to write ahead. According to the
song I am listening to right now, love is often clearer when we are
able to look behind, meaning that, when we experience one, we often
don’t realize how it actually looks like. However, when we lose it,
we can then see it better. Yeah, love often takes suffering, takes
tears, and takes so many lonely nights for us to see it clearer. Here
I am today, suffering and lonely… looking at the love I’ve ever
fought for, the love that I know that has been even more difficult
for me to grasp as the time goes by…

Keh…
if only her voice wasn’t able to bring happiness to this heart of
mine, I would just let go of this love… but I just can’t…

“Pray
as hard as you can… for the world you want…”

A line
spoken by a dying man, named Kato, in Shadow Hearts 2, an RPG game
which was released several years ago.

Yup!
This line went straight into my mind right away after I finished
playing Shadow Hearts 2 (again? Geez… I’m insane!!!). Anyway,
this line is kinda touching, you know? I mean, Shadow Hearts 2
revolves around several big ideas and one of ‘em is… identity…
and that’s what I am going to talk about today, identity…

Now,
why the heck identity? There are a dang lot other important issues to
discuss, and out of all, why identity? ‘Cos we live in the world in
which humans interact each other forming culture and civilization
making them the most essential elements in this world. By taking this
notion into mind, we should then know that each human has their own
identity. The next question is, how should we define a certain
human’s identity? By look? Skin colour? Religion? Nationality?
Occupation? Well, if you really define one’s identity by such, you
are a sad, shallow guy, all rite. Human’s identity are way too
difficult to define. Who they are tomorrow might not be the same as
who they are today. You may be an Indonesian today, but several years
later, you may be an Australian or Singaporean, who knows? You are
student right now, but you won’t remain a student for the rest of
your life, rite? You may be a doctor, musician, or anything, I just
could care less.

Then,
standing in the midst of such questions, I started to think, who am
I? Or even, what am I? I am an Indonesian student and my religion is
Christian. So, who am I? What am I really? Then, I read these lines
when I played Shadow Hearts 2, “All of the memories that you have
shared with your friends… the experience you have fighting beside
your partners… those are what make you the way you are now.” Yes,
it is indeed difficult to define one’s identity. In the end, it is
us who understand ourselves the most. Every single moment that we
have experienced, every single value we have kept… those are our
identity. Fame, religion, status, wealth, occupation, nationality,
those are nothing but superficial matters. What matters the most are
behind them. When I am saying I am a Christian, then it’s not about
the religion that is printed on my identity card, it’s not about
the religion I write when I fill out a form, rather it’s about
everything that makes me a Christian. The moment I met God, all the
times I have spent in church ministry together with my partners in
God, those are my identity as a Christian.

Then,
is there any relation between this identity stuff with Shadow Hearts
2, the game that I played? Yes, there is. Let me type this line
again, “Pray as hard as you can for the world you want.” Before
going further, let me ask you another question, what do you think of
this world? Miserable? Hopeless? Ill? Sick? Well… I myself can’t
deny that this world is indeed sick, ill, miserable, hopeless, etc…
however, everything isn’t really as bad as you think. Why? ‘Cos
WE can change this world. Yup, you read it rite, WE can change this
world. We are humans, since the very beginning, we have defined our
culture, we have defined our civilization. However, everything has
changed. Nowadays, we just let culture and civilization define our
identity. That’s what makes this world pathetic. We have our own
identity, we have the power to define the culture. Then, why should
we just stay silent while the culture is dictating who we are? I say,
live your life your own way. Only this way, you can change this
world. ‘Cos this world won’t ever change if you just hide
yourself inside your convenience. Be yourself! Then dream! Hope! Let
everything start from you and you will see for yourself, how your
dream can change the world slowly.

Well,
is being yourself alone enough? Nah… you won’t believe that, will
ya? The rest thing you should do is to… pray… pray as hard as you
can for the world you want. You may have perseverance, diligence,
etc, but who cares? Those qualities are just not enough. You need to
pray. Now, don’t deny this! You know who is the mightiest existence
in this whole world? If you know that there is an existence so
powerful, why don’t you share your dream with Him? Pray… and let
everything start from you. One day, maybe you can see the world you
really want.

I
haven’t known yet what kind of world I really want. At least, this
I know, I am currently working for a kind of world. That’s why, I
want to live my life my own way. No one can define who I really am.
The experiences I have acquired together with God and my friends have
slowly started to show who I really am. Keh, yappari… kono sekai wa
warutakunai ne…

Arrghhh…
darn! Dang! Anything! Some terrible thought occupies my mind again…
I hate this! I hate it a friggin’ lot when it comes to losin’
someone. How the heck can it be that every time I get lose to
someone, I will SOON lose that person. Now, what do you want to say?
Coincidence? Come on… don’t let me repeat my stuff, please… I
don’t believe in such, haven’t I told you ‘bout this?

I
don’t know what to say… I don’t what to type. To be honest, my
head is more or less empty right now. Just letting my fingers flow
with my sentiment though, let’s just see where my sentiment will
lead my fingers to. When I first knew about this one, I was quite
concerned, yet I simply forgot it easily… however, the very next
day, I suddenly remembered this issue again and there I went,
stressed and blue. I just want to say things such as, “Man, there
are these girls around I can cherish, why bother with that stupid
friend of mine?” But, no! My conscience will never allow me to
think or do so. Too bad, eh? Still, it’s friendship we’re talking
about. Some things might be too bad, yet it’s worth defending. I
mean, if this is the REAL friendship we’re talking about, then this
nothing-to-lose state of mind we should have. ‘Cos you know what?
You met your friends far before you met your lover, your friends
encouraged you dang many times before your lover encouraged you even
for once. That’s why, this time, it’s my turn to show all of my
friends that I AM HERE to give them encouragement, to console them,
to support them, and also… to walk behind them making sure that
everything is just all right. That’s the sort of friends I really
believe.

You
know what? I somehow just know that I’m not a very likeable person.
I mean, I’m not the person most people have in mind when they need
someone to turn to. I’m not the type of person that people will
usually call to have a long chat in the phone, yet, they might call
me when they need me to do something. Well, that’s the kind of life
I lead… at least, I think so :p still, I just don’t care. I am
already contended this way. Sometimes life is not always about your
being acknowledged by others. Naïve, idealistic, ignorance, or
else you may throw at me. This heart will not waver anyway. I’ll
stick to my very basic principle: ningen wa hitorikiri nara, nani mo
dekinakatta

Well…
there go my words. I just don’t like talking about this. I just
want some people to know that, when some things aren’t feasible
alone, I am still here.

-friends
are not merely people to have fun with; they are people we want them
to support us when we need them, and they are also;  the people we
want to support when they need us. At least, this alone I believe.-

Several days from today, I will face my exams. There are quite a numbers of them. Usually, I would ponder for some moment to plan my time. Then, I would start with enough preparation that I could put myself at ease during the hellish exam time. However, this time, I just feel that I really could care less. I don’t know, I mean… I don’t think I have enough preparations, I don’t think I master the materials quite well, and I don’t think I have spared sufficient time for ‘em. Still, there is no such thing as panic, worry, or anxiety takes place in this heart of mine. I can’t understand this, but I am at ease right now. It is so peaceful to know that such feeling can occur.

Well, there are so many things that turn out different. This year might be the very first time in my life to get this excited about Christmas… what? Haven’t I told you guys about this? Sorry, sorry… see? I am THAT excited that I forgot to mention some things before hand. Uhm… let’s see, this year, somehow, I suddenly got very eager about Christmas. I mean, yes I have ever celebrated Christmas before… countless time, but I have never been this keyed up. Explanation? You’ll have it. Now, this all fuss started when I got a package from some distant land out there. There were Clay Aiken’s CD and some key chains inside. Then, this Clay Aiken’s CD is a Christmas Album meaning that it contains Christmas songs inside. So, I copied the songs to my PC and end up listening to those songs everyday. So, there is this song called ‘Merry Christmas with Love.’ I love to listen to this song, somehow peaceful and soothing. From this alone, there is a conclusion that we can pull together, which is: Christmas + Love = BLISS!!!

This very moment, I could just think less of this world… of this life. I just don’t care about whatever may take place. I am contented. There’s no way someone could take my contentment away from me. There are quite a number of tasks waiting for me at the end of this year, still… I just don’t want to think of ‘em. All I want to do is just sitting in front of my PC, writing some random stuff and listening to the Christmas songs altogether.

Nah… don’t ask! Even I myself don’t really understand what I am currently doing. Things are just… what? I don’t know. I mean, do you know how it really feels when someone is unthinkably happy and his happiness just go bursting everywhere like an eruption? Yup, that’s what we have here.

So… in short, just leave this one be. There will be no use for you folks to spend your time too much on this one. This is just me going purposeless again. But, you know what? It’s nice to be in such situation, in situation which you can really care less about whatever occurs in this world. What a peaceful life. I know that reality is waiting impatiently for me somewhere, still… for time being, let me dream this stupid dream. In the end, I want to quote something from Inra, “Thanks God! I Love my life!” Thanks for reading this one, even though it’s purposeless… God bless ya… prepare yourselves for a merry Christmas :p   

Decdicated to… who else? The one who sent me this Christmas songs. It’s just… whatever, find your own phrase…

I just reread the manga (comic) series of Yugi-oh and I just finished reading the final episode. It’s… great. I mean, it sure put a very great meaning for a separation. Heh, so we’re back to one of my most favourite topics, eh? Then, let’s start to talk about separation… again…

Some months ago, I finished reading the Yugi-oh series for the first time. Afterward, I wrote an article about separation. However, I wrote ‘em in Indonesian and I thought that it still needed some polishing. Too bad, I forgot to polish it and it went unpolished even ‘til this very moment. It’s not that big deal anyway as I intend to do thing from the very beginning. So, here I am, prattling ’bout some separation stuff again.

Ja… let’s start with the most essential question, in this post at least, what is separation? Just let me repeat this once again, WHAT THE HECK IS SEPARATION? There, if by any way you say you don’t notice this part, I’ll disembowel you for sure. What is separation? What’s so special about it that I got so excited pondering and talking about this stuff? Is there any meaning to it? Can’t answer, eh? Then, let us first go to the next question, have you guys experienced any kinds of separation? Physically or spiritually separated, or else? I bet most of you have and not only once. Yes, it is indeed the fact that we have experienced that we come to forget how painful, how agonizing a separation is. Note this before we go further, separation is painful. When it comes to separation, we feel sad, we cry, we are wounded. Whenever we must let go of someone we love, things can prove cataclysmic. We cry a lot, we feel that it is way too hard to let that person go. Why? Why should we cry whenever there is separation? I really believe one of the answers to this is that we feel we haven’t loved that person sufficiently. Why is it so? It’s simply because when people are around, we don’t realize how precious they are. I wanna share a bit. Long ago, when I was still in junior high school, I had a friend who died at around 22 or 23. One of his best friends told me that one of the thing he ever regret was the fact that he hadn’t got the chance to tell his dead friend, how he really loved his dead friend. Painful? You bet…

If we were given the power to turn back time, then, maybe, expression such as “too late” would never exist. Yes, we have this expression ‘cos we love procrastination that much that we are always late to realize thing and when we have come to realize ‘em, there is nothing left for us to do and there is no possibility for us to turn back time. We think that everything will just go all rite, then we keep on deferring all kind of love and kindness that we can share to the people we love. While we are doing so, time is running hastily ahead, still, before our eyes, time is only walking slowly, waiting for us to catch him. How come? It’s simply because we are blinded, blinded by all the comfort that is available for us this whole long. We always think it’s all rite to sacrifice your friends once or twice. Well, what’s the big deal? There are a lot of tomorrows ahead for us to offer them kindness to redeem for what we have done. Now, give me a proper answer; what can you do if God suddenly takes those people from you? What can you say if God putt those people in a place thousand miles far from you? Would you just end up regretting everything? Or maybe you would cry a dang loud? Or maybe, you can just walk a thousand mile just as in Vanessa Carlton’s song.

Let us try to be wise. We, who tend to please ourselves… let us put our ego aside for a while… We, who have been thinking of being loved as bliss… let us dump our selfishness somewhere for a moment. What will we find? We will find the fact that loving is far more pleasing than just merely being loved. Is that so? Yes! Out of all people you have seen in this world, who are probably the happiest? The rich people? No way! If riches are the only things you have, you can only live in fear. The successful people? Hah! You won’t bet on this one. Just to remind how stressful the life of an artist is. So? Who are the happiest people in this world? Some of them might be Mother Teressa. One who loved people without holding back anything. There was no fear that could overcome her heart. She was just ready to die if that would mean something for others. The others might be all the parents in this world who love their children sincerely. Worries and anxieties may occupy their heart, but just to see their children happy, those worries and anxieties will be cast away. In short, those who love will live in bliss. Don’t worry about being unloved. God loves you, you know? Just try to love more people as God’s steadfast love takes root in your heart every single new day. Now, take a silence for a moment, then take a look around. There are a lot of people for you to love. Do you really want to live happily? Then start with loving others!

Separation, thing that won’t be separated from our lives, this whole time is often accompanied by tears. For once again, separation has reminded us how precious people around us are. The family, the friends that we have now, it is not impossible for us to lose ‘em one day. If that so, instead of accompanying separation with tears, why don’t accompany one with smile? That will be better… maybe… how to do so? Well, each of us knows it better :p

Now, let’s go back to our very first question! What is separation? Is there any meaning to it? Our friends, our family, who have been along with us, suddenly disappear… what does that mean? I dunno… man, I really don’t know! But, you know what? If we really don’t know, then there is no use for us to understand such. What we need to do is engraving all the memories that we have been through with all of our dearest people together… in our hearts. That alone is enough.

Finally, this life is about each man’s story. Each man has their own story and by living according to God’s will alone, their story will end up in the brightest light ever. That’s why, no matter how many separations that take place in your life, no matter how sad and painful this life is, keep walking and pursue the light! GBU!

To live is to fight. Life itself is a very large battlefield in which we fight without certain limit of time. We just never know when the battle will end. Often we experience grief in the battlefield, often we obtain painful memories, and often we lose something dear. Yet, we keep on going. We never run from this battlefield. If there is a question worthy enough to raise, it will be, “Why?” We often wonder why we keep on fighting even though we know we will reap sadness. Some people fight for their country; some others fight for their religion, some fight for their family, some fight for their friends or lovers, some others fight for themselves, and the rest fight to find a reason to fight. That’s just how life is; a place for us to fight to our extend, and that’s the way we can fulfill the meaning to our lives, or at least to give meaning to our lives.

There is a fight I am currently in. So long ago, I already had the feeling that I would definitely lose this one and that’s why, I decided to give this one up. Since the day I gave up, I felt… ieehh… somehow pathetic, stupid, miserable, and dumb. To be honest, I regret that decision. Drowned in sadness, I made up my mind. And here am I, back on the track. Fear still overcomes me; anxiety still enfolds me, but still… I want to end this with valour, no matter what the result is. I have come to understand that losing is not the matter of not obtaining your idealism in the end, nor it is about not having what you really want to have. In fact, losing is giving up when you have the opportunity to try and end it bravely; to sink in dissatisfaction when you have actually brought happiness through your effort. Then, what’s the meaning of winning? Well, to make it short, winning is not merely acquiring what you want, not even the matter of achieving your idealism. Winning has far greater meaning, it is about doing your best until the very end, and even more, winning is when your lives have been a great happiness for others. That’s why, this time, I won’t lose! Whatever may happen, I have decided not to lose this one…

Life is indeed troublesome. The very moment you realize that living this life is hell difficult, you will realize another thing that living this life alone will never be enough for you. There is always someone out there for you to cherish and when you’ve found that someone, that someone will be your happiness. In the end, satisfaction, happiness, bliss, joy, delight, and such are really one when you have someone to share with. That will probably be your grandest fight, and still… there is no way you will lose this fight, won’t you? ‘Cos there lays the meaning to your life and its fulfillment…

- life is not about you alone, it’s about you bringing happiness for others-

“Love, why is it clearer when we look behind?’

“Memory, what is it? A constraint to bind us in our past, or strength to spur us toward future?”

These might be the most important issues you can encounter in ‘Perhaps Love’, a movie directed by Peter Ho. This movie is somehow unique. Well, I can’t really tell you what is this story about as the plot is just way too complicated. However, the thing is, the plot is beautiful, yet is sad. It moves at such pace that people will usually get bored of it, without even mentioning that the plot needs quite a brain to digest with. Still, if you try to cope with it, beauty awaits you behind. The strong emotion when one is missing his lover, the deep image of solitude, just can’t be expressed with mere words.

This is my suggestion: Get this movie as soon as possible! If you think you know a lot ‘bout love, you’ll learn even more. If you feel you have seen too many beauties in this world, you’ll add another into your mental storage. That’s it. Don’t wanna mess too long for this post. I’ll dry up now. Happy watching then…

Huff… what an incredibly tiring life… yet, my struggle is still waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy too distant to reach the end. Without some people’s help, I might not think of trying. I have done quite a lot yet I know that there are still an insanely numbers that I have to deal with. Haaaa… can someone wake me up from this somehow terrible outlandish nightmare? Nah… no one; ‘cos it isn’t even a dream. Heh… if it was possible, I really wanted to run away from this grievous reality, but there’s no way I’m gonna do it as I’m not the type to lick my own words. Well, that’s it. Let’s just live it as it’s the best option on hand.

Now, this one is really a purposeless post. I mean, there’s really nothing egging on me to inscribe this whole stuff. I just am in the mood for it. So, get ready for the most random prattle you have ever encountered. Hope you can get away with this.

Iiiieehhh… I often get tired of life, that I have told you, rite? Now, there are several things I usually do when I just feel that things have been too rigid. The most pleasing might be listening to my unthinkably huge collection of songs. If you guys have taken a good look at my profile, you guys must have noticed that I am a Japanese songs freak, and yes… I am… I somehow feel a bit awkward, I mean, what’s the point in being prideful when I am admitting being a freak? Oh, whateve… okay, let’s return to our main issue here. Uhm… I do admit that DEEN is the most appealing to my appetite, still then, it doesn’t really denote DEEN songs’ are always priority. It depends absolutely on my mood, and yes! This is my labile and inconstant mood I am talking about. Oh, let’s just roll ‘em one by one.

Now, there are several performers that I am crazy about. Those are DEEN, Kuraki Mai, Suzuki Tatsuhisa, CooRie, Depapepe, and UVERworld.

DEEN works unsurpassed whenever it comes to the matter of forlorn situation. Forlorn here means when I feel like crying, when I think that I have enough of this world (and while I have actually not), when I think that burdens have been too intense for me, and when I consider that there’s nothing more I can do to fix things up. There is where DEEN comes in neat. Kimi ga Inai Natsu, Yume de Aru You ni, Sayonara, Shonen, Teenage Dream, and One Day are the songs that often occupy my ears. 

Sugi… Kuraki Mai, eto… actually she’s the very first to blame when it comes to the matter of my being this kind of freak. Well, it’s simply ‘cos the very first time I fell for Japanese songs was when I first listened to her songs. Some people have their versions of utahime out there, but as for me, she’s mine. Then, her songs work paramount when it comes to the matter of recollecting the memories I used to have in the past. Yup, that’s just it! Some of her most amazing things are Key to My Heart, Can’t Forget Your Love, Kaze no Rarara, Secret of My Heart, Always, and Fantasy. Hieehhhh… should we continue?

Uhm… Suzuki Tatsuhisa… now this one is breathtaking. His songs work almost in very situation. Those sweet melodious songs are really heartrending. Every time I listen to those, it seems like they can engrave somewhat relieve and serenity in my agonizing heart. Some songs that you really can’t miss are To Friends, Towayuki, Voice, Caravan, and Yesterdays. Next!

CooRie! What a… man, this one is even harder to explain. The very first thing that I should tell you is that you won’t believe how old she is when you listen to her songs. Most of her songs are easy to listen to. They work wonder when I am in a good mood, when I am quite relaxed, or when I am doing some pastimes. Make sure you listen to Kokoro Ami, Sentimental, Tenkuu no Hana, Nagareboshi, Parade, and Akatsuki no Sakushi. Phew… only two more to go, let’s keep on rolling!

Depapepe. I should first notify you that these people don’t sing. I repeat it once again, they don’t sing. So? What do they do then? Playing instrumental songs, you idiot. So, Depapepe consists of two people, two guitarists to be exact. They play a lot of sweet songs, songs so sweet that you find them pleasing if you listen to them when you want to… take a nap… yeah, they are the best, the perfect companion for your good, nice rest. Believe me! Some of their best are Shupurru, Hoshi no Kazu Dake Negai Todoku, Yuuyake Cycling, Arigatou, START!, and Snow Dance. Huff… finally, we will come to the last one.

The last, but not the least, UVERworld! Well, they are rockers, meaning that they play some boisterous music there. Well… you should be able to figure out what kind of situation will they come in handy… yup! Well said… WHENEVER I WANNA GO CRAZY, WILD, MAD… and so on, and so on… so make sure you have Just Melody, CHANCE!, SHAMROCK, Revolve, SORA, and Ai ta Kokoro in your playlist. They deserve a place.

Okay, now! After a very long prattle, what do I really want to say anyway? Nothing… uh-huh… nothing… I have told you, haven’t I? This one is pointless, just a random jabber and nothing’s responsible for my writing this stuff. If there really is a point, maybe I just want to express how grateful I am to know that there are so many awe-inspiring songs out there that I am able to walk this screwy long road… okay, okay… should dry up, c ya, c ya…