Blue Ballad

Last week, precisely last Friday, I went to Solo in order to have a culinary trip ^^ And so, I asked my little brother to pick me up and ride me to Solo as he actually lives there. The very first time I reached his house, his parents were not home. So, all of us (my lil’ bro, his lil’ sis, his gal, his gal’s big sis, and I) took our bath and went to Solo Grand Mall which was a big let down as Amplaz (Ambarukmo Plaza) is way better. However, note that from the very beginning, my mission was culinary trip so a disappointing mall wouldn’t discourage me at all.
After getting out from the not-so-grand Solo Grand Mall, we went to some food stall called ‘Wedangan Pak Di’ and this one was not a let down at all. It was a heavenly satisfaction. I took a quick glance and grabbed some items which were pork skewer, ke kian skewer (dude, how should I say ke kian I English anyway?), pork bean curd, and else. Sorry if the list of food is too unforgiving for Moslem, but those were what I grabbed. There was also this item I didn’t grab as the item was sold out due to some extreme delicacy. This item is called topi. It is like some flour shaped in certain way combined with pork and is then deep-fried so that it takes a shape like a hat. This is why it is called topi (topi is Indonesian term for ‘hat’). At the very same night, we got to enjoy some Solo’s specialty called Timlo Solo. Basically, it is a bowl of soup with egg and sosis Solo (sosis Solo is chicken meat wrapped in a fried egg) put into it. Man, it was so good. Basically speaking, first day was totally awesome.
The second day, I got nasi liwet for my breakfast. Now, don’t force me to describe this as it is way difficult for me to describe. In the afternoon, we decided to enjoy some ice. Then, we went to Solo Square which was, for once again, a let down. However, it was no big deal as for dinner we had something really special, BARBEQUE!!! Yup, read it well. Basically, they had various items such as chicken ball, squid meatball, sausage, otak-otak (small fillet made up of fish), corn, bread, etc. To add some more to my bliss, they had even had various spices from salty, sweet, spicy, mix, barbeque, pizza-taste, extra spicy, etc. Right from there, we went to some milk stall and we had ourselves some fresh milk to drink, which was both healthy and delicious, huwehehe… (oh, yeah, really?). Then, due to my everlasting hunger, I decided to follow my friend to grab some fried noodle to eat, which was actually so-so. But then, all in all, everything was good on the second day.
Now, let us go to the third day. What did I have? Too much!!! I got some delicious meatball and gudeg (some Yogyakarta’s specialty), and then pecel (arrghh! Don’t ask! Dunno how to explain), tempe kere, cabukrambak, wedang dongo, etc. I had too much that I gave up the idea of elaborating ‘em one by one. To sum everything up, going to Solo was a good decision. However, the best thing about Solo wasn’t actually the food, instead, it was my lil’ bro’s family. They welcomed me so well. They even paid for every single food I bit, without mentioning that I stayed at their house and took my bath there, etc. to add more, my lil’ bro’s mom even bought me two boxes of serabi Solo so that I could take it home for gift. Honto ni saigou no saigou made osewa ni narimashita. Basically speaking, I am grateful that I got to know ‘em and to my gratefulness, this culinary trip was a big success.
Lastly, I want to show my deepestgratitude to the Buntoros and Kumala sibling for being so nice. Someday, I hope that I can return this favor. God bless u guys’ family.

Quite
a time ago, I was drowned in anxiety and lost my way. Day by day, I
was bound with fear, didn’t know why, a vision of me bathing in
this pitch-black darkness called vengeance enveloped me. I was so
afraid, so desperate… after then I found a small note, a note
filled with my commitment. On the very first page of it, this I
found:

“I, Prawira, know that
I am sinful, not worthy in front of God, weak, and foolish. Yet, God
has shown me such love which I know that I don’t deserve.
Responding to God’s love in my life, today, I promise to give the
best for God. From this day on, may God treat me as His slave and
servant.”

As I
read it, guilt started to fill my heart. I decided to put that guilt
aside and go on. I flipped to another page, and so on, and so on,
reading all the content written on those. A page then stopped me from
going on. This page started with me quoting a verse from the Bible,
Isaiah 26: 3. Well, you can find for yourself what this verse is
about. Below, was a commitment on how I would like to have my life
led. So, this I wrote:

“Maybe a lot of people
would say that my mood, my ego are the things which decide in which
direction my life would take its step. Well, it might be partly true.
However, someday, I want people to recognize me as a person whose
life is led by God. A person who doesn’t live for himself alone,
but for his love toward God.”

I
could not hold myself any longer… tears started to drop… “What
was I doing all these time?” So I asked myself. Those commitments
were written on September of 2004… it has been more than three and
a half years… yet, what I did was only putting God into grief. I
mean, look at all the posts I have been posting until now. Do they,
in some way, glorify God? Some may be, but some others? No, they
don’t. Look at me! Every single word I have spoken, this cynical
attitude I’ve been showing, me procrastinating all the time, do
they please God? Do they in anyway make my God smile? Unfortunately,
no… when I was lost, I thought I was bumping into a wall, a very
high wall that I could not continue forward any longer, but no… I
was not bumping into a wall. It was me, it was me who didn’t want
to move this feet any longer, it was me trying to hide under excuses
so that I could get away with it. After all of that, I came into a
realization… it was stupid. Every single day of me being arrogant
and thinking that I was way better than most people around me… it
was abnormally stupid… after all the warnings God gave to me, after
all the advices that came around, after all the supports trying to
push me forward… in the end it was me who forbade myself from
moving forward…

I
don’t know what will happen by the next morning I wake up, I don’t
know how many more commitments I will break, I don’t even know for
how many more times I will fall into a pit of darkness called
vengeance. Yet, I want to make another commitment. I want to please
God with this life, this fragile life… consequences might be
harder, but I just know, there’s no way I could live this life
until the very end without pleasing God, there’s no way I could
move forward without asking God to participate in this life.

Okay,
guys, are you guys with me? Ko Yudi, thanks for consoling me every
time, but it was actually sad, I was like a loser looking for
consolation. I don’t want to be such loser, the very next time I
come to you like a loser, please give me a hard slap. Ko Irwan,
hadn’t I had a chat with you that time, things would have turned
out different. Thanks for reminding me, thanks for pointing out my
mistakes one by one, thanks for kicking me out of my pretences. From
the very depth of my heart, I hope that you two would always pray for
my sake.

Well,
I think I also want to take this chance to say goodbye to my past.
Lilieanne, thanks for everything. It was rest-assuring to have such
friend as you, but then, it’s time for this bond to be broken. It’s
time to part. Not that we are disappearing from each other’s life.
Somewhere in my heart, there are you, living as a precious memory. I
hope you would treat me the same. With this, I wish you all the best.
Ci Linda, it was fun, it was an honour being your little brother.
Please allow me to take that role, even only by myself, until the end
as the very fact that to me, you are a respectable and loving sister,
won’t change. Wish you a blissful family.

Now, I
think that’s all. With this, I think I am able to say a proper
goodbye to my past… from this day on, it’s time for me to move
forward. Procrastinating, being anxious and restless, being that high
and mighty, saying stupid things, they are no more options to me. In
the end, God bless you… and me. 

-Prawira
Atmaja aka Kirros, along with his new life-