Blue Ballad

Yo,
folks! How’s ur day? Good? That’s great! What about me? Well, to
be honest, I should really say, ‘It sucks.’ I’ve made a real
big and stupid mistake. Don’t ask me yet cos’ I’m going to tell
you what’s happening. So, keep your ears open, nah… that won’t
do! Keep ypur eyes ‘stead… this is the only chance in your whole
life you may laugh loudly out of my misery.

So, to
begin with, yesterday, I went to church. There, I practiced for
today’s fellowship. I practiced for about two hours or so, then we
went to WS (waroeng steak) to have some supper. Feeling satisfied of
our meal, we then went home, but I asked my friend to drive me to the
internet shop instead. In the internet shop, when I was about to go
home, I met another friend and we decided to have a trip around Yogya
for a while. So, there we went. Well, to speed things up, at last we
parted with each other. As I was sleepy, I looked for my PSP to have
a little music session before I closed these eyes. Just in case you
don’t know what PSP is, it stands for Playstation Portable, a
gadget which you can use to play games, mp3, and mp4 files.To my
astonishment, my bag, together with its content (which included PSP)
was gone!!! 

“THE
HECK! WHERE’S MY BAG?” After spending some time to try to stay
cool and sharp, I remembered that I left my stuff at the internet
shop. I rushed my way there and found my bag. Great? Yes! Awesomely
great? Nope, ‘cos you know what? My PSP was not there! I lost my
PSP! It cost me quite a bill, and it was gone! Sad? Yeah… I found
it difficult to sleep last night, anxiety overcame my restless soul.
This morning, I woke up and recollected all the data that might
relate to this incident. I looked for that cute gadget of mine and…
well, basically I couldn’t find it, even after I went all crazy
rushing right into the heavy rain (yah, it was raining cats and dogs
today). The conclusion is that, someone must have stolen it from me.

Basically,
I give up looking for it. Heck, it was difficult for me to accept
this as reality. I mean, I hope this was a dream, but no… it’s
reality after all. So, there is nothing else I can do. I mean, I am
indeed regretful and remorseful, still… there’s no point in
keeping those kinds of feeling for too long. Won’t change anything,
anyway. So, here I am, trying to recover from everything that has
happened, to get a hold of myself. Phew… I will make this a most
valuable experience and I will make sure that I’ve learned enough
from this.

So,
the next question, am I depressed? No way… I want to quote
something from the Bible. Here, watch this…

Rome
8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good
of those who love him, who have been called according to his
purpose.”

And
another one…

Genesis
50:20 says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it
for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many
lives.

So is
my faith, that god is working in all those happenings in order to,
not to provide a lot of good things for me ahead, but to fulfill His
purpose alone. This alone I will hold on firm.

In the
end…

Job
1:21b says, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, may be the
name of the Lord be praised.”

To
summarize stuff, bad things and good things may take place, may
occur, but as long as we keep our focus on God, somehow… somehow…
God will lead us through… blessed be His name!

For
time being, I want to spend some time to pray. I want to pray for the
person who has taken my cute little gadget from me, praying that
God’s mercy and compassion will be on him. I know this will be
difficult, but I have decided, I won’t stop halfway being a
Christian. When I say I am a Christian, I mean I am ready to put my
every thing on the line to be a real Christian. Well, anybody in? 

Several
months ago, I watched this movie called ‘Perhaps Love.’ It was a
dang heart-rending one. Since that day, I had been searching for its
soundtracks during the past several months, and you know what? A
while ago, I found ‘em on a certain store. This very moment, I am
listening to them and man… this heart really wouldn’t ask for
more. For time being, they’re sufficient to cure this apprehensive
heart.

So…
actually I don’t have any particular intention in typing this down.
I mean, I even don’t really know what I should write. Well, some
people say that a good way to start writing is by starting writing,
hehe… gimme a break, please… so, let’s just cope with this and
see where it will lead, kay? Saa… soro soro ikuyo (meaning, here we
go!)

To
start with, if I am not mistaken, several days ago, it was the
Valentine day and everyone was crazy about buying, asking, and giving
chocs altogether. Quite a scene, to be honest :p I myself, bought
some dark chocs, to give it away and to enjoy it with some of my
crazy buddies. The one that I gave away was received by my friend,
which was, eventually, said to be very bitter. Hah! It’s Wira
anyway, he loves bitter stuff so much that he, unconsciously, always
prefer the bitter one when it comes to making choices. But the thing
is, what was dang coming over me? Meaning, I usually don’t give
away chocs, but I gave one anyway… have I lost a hold of my
mountain-like firm principal? Or have I been that lonely that I need
someone to care for? … hey, hey… don’t get the wrong idea! I
haven’t fallen in love with any particular girl, yeah… I haven’t
and I won’t for some time ahead, been too tired to think about
love. Yeah, almost busted my brain out of my head cos’ of such
stuff. Bah…

Now,
what has been happening to me actually? What has been troubling my
heart? I mean, these few days, I have been spacing a lot and I think
I will space even more. I just want to know what really lies behind
this troubled heart. Is it disappointment? Or is it hopelessness? Or…
dunno, just name any adjective-derived noun that you think will fit
my situation. Yea… frankly speaking, I don’t think my trouble can
be described in my word, remembering that complexity has been a very
sticky part of mine. Heh… complexity it is…

The
fast is, what really happens is that things just haven’t gone
according my expectation. Nyam… I got this sickening pressure from
my dad. He pressured me to taking computer major, inheriting his
business, and living in Jakarta, in which, I can’t find any
satisfaction, peace, and joy IN ANY! Yeah, note that! IN ANY! And how
the heck could he expect me to find such in ALL? Well, at least, we
can describe this situation in one word, DAYDREAMING.

The
pressure then goes on. There is this somebody I have been loving ‘til
to this very second. However, the thing is that, she seems to, day by
day, moves away from my life slowly. Geh… how should I put this one
in words? Nah… won’t be able to, I’ll put it in your
imagination ‘stead. So, imagine you had someone you love, but you
just didn’t see a future with her together. Iiehh… how would you
feel? Yes, that very feeling is what I am feeling right now. Well, I
am starting to know what I am going to write ahead. According to the
song I am listening to right now, love is often clearer when we are
able to look behind, meaning that, when we experience one, we often
don’t realize how it actually looks like. However, when we lose it,
we can then see it better. Yeah, love often takes suffering, takes
tears, and takes so many lonely nights for us to see it clearer. Here
I am today, suffering and lonely… looking at the love I’ve ever
fought for, the love that I know that has been even more difficult
for me to grasp as the time goes by…

Keh…
if only her voice wasn’t able to bring happiness to this heart of
mine, I would just let go of this love… but I just can’t…