Blue Ballad

Dang J-dorama! I am TOTALLY absorbed into it. Arrgghhh! How come? How come? Andri’s at fault for introducing so may Japanese drama series! Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… Andri’s fault… somehow it feels like I am cursing Andri with some spell ^_^ Well, think of it carefully, he’s not actually at fault… so? Who’s at fault?

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Arrgghhh!!! I am at fault! From the very beginning, it was me who was trying to watch J-dorama series! Taku… shinjirarenai!!! Puff… now, be cool, all rite? Huh… I am currently watching this J-dorama named Densha Otoko. It’s about a man who’s uncool, lame, not good looking, anti-sociable, and could hardly talk to any women. Then, he’s in love with a woman who’s gorgeous, beautiful, tall, slender, rich, and, and… everything! (side note: this woman’s starred by Itou Misaki, no wonder rite? She’s… arghh… just watch it for yourselves!). Okay, let’s match these two human beings together:

UNCOOL + LAME + NOT GOOD LOOKING + ANTI-SOCIABLE + COULD HARDLY TALK TO ANY WOMEN = GORGEOUS + BEAUTIFUL + TALL + SLENDER + RICH

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THERE’S NOW WAY IT WOULD HAPPEN, WOULDN’T IT? But, yes, in the series, it happened. Due to what? A series of coincidences? Nope, to be exact, due to the man’s courage. He was even shaking when he was trying to give a phone call to the woman. He had never called a girl before, even for once, imagine! He then started to ask advice from a forum on the internet and… all the forum member tried to support him, giving him advices, motivation, and else. Experiencing this, the man was moved; he then promised to be brave, for the sake of the woman he liked, and for the sake of the people on the forum. Well, since then, the man was able to draw the woman’s attention and not only that, some people on the forum also gained the same courage. They learnt from the man’s courage and made a lot of brave decision. It was kinda touching back then. I stopped watching every one episode to take a time to relieve myself and to wipe my tears (yeah, really! Even though I know it’s a script-written story, still… T_T).

I am… kinda envious, no! Maybe, I am… extremely envious… long ago, maybe 3 years ago, one of the most decisive journeys in my life was going to take place. I then decided to take one step further in my life, cos’ that’s what journey is about, to take another step further, even some time you might get lost. However, when the most decisive day arrived, I… was too afraid to take that step… fear overcame me, the fear of losing, the fear of failing… all of them overcame me that I pulled back my step and decided to stop there. Since that day on, even until today, I haven’t got the chance to continue that one step, my should be most precious step. Regretful? Me? No way… no, it’s a lie… yeah, I’m pretty regretful thanks to my cowardice back then. If I should compare myself with the man in the J-dorama series, I’m not as lame as him. I’m not that uncool, I am not that bad looking, am very sociable, and have talked to many girls, still… I don’t have as much bravery as his. Keh… what a coward I was… phew… I sometimes hope for another chance to carry on that journey, but… it seems impossible, at least for another 3 years… maybe it’s a punishment for a coward, eh? If, I have gone through those 3 years, maybe, I can have another chance. And if… that day has come, then, that time… definitely… kanarazu oshiemasu… aitsu no tame ni… 

The
usual thing people know about me is that I don’t like drama series,
but… uhm… I currently find myself being addicted to it, well
J-dorama actually (stands for Japanese drama). These few days I just
watched a J-dorama named “You’re Under Arrest.” Now, my very
first reason to watch this one was supposedly because of the fact
that this series is actually based on an old Japanese animation
series. However, if I had only counted on that, I usually would have
ended up pressing the eject button on the disc tray. Fortunately, by
God’s grace, we have Itou Misaki on the screen. What kind of girl
is she actually? Well, in short, she must have the capabilities to
attract me during my whole progress watching the drama that I
successfully finished watching it. No, no, no… I don’t write this
to brag about the girl here. I am not that trivial to write something
like this and post it on the net just for such a silly reason (and
while we’re at it, I have posted several purposeless writing on the
net. Contradictive? You bet!).

Okay,
let’s get serious then. Uhm… there is this episode about Itou
Misaki being recruited into the special investigation team. Once, she
heard about a hit and run incident and decided to dig into it, but
her chief ordered her so stop as the culprit’s father had been
donating money to the police force the whole time. She then told this
to Itou, “Forget about that. It can’t be helped. In this life, in
order to obtain something, there is thing you should let go.” Eh?
Seems like I have ever heard something similar to this statement
somewhere before. Of course, the idiot me… I myself wrote it ^_^
Wanna see? Scroll down then and find the Makeinu stuff, I wrote it
there, “There are things that you will never achieve if you don’t
take the risk.” Quite similar, aren’t they? Due to this, I
started to think, reflecting on Itou’s case… is it really okay to
take some risk and to lose something in order to obtain something?
Was it really okay for Itou back then to stop digging into stuff when
justice had been severed? Then, a bigger question came into my mind;
did I make the wrong statement? After several minutes pondering, I
realized that… no! I didn’t make any wrong statement. Yeah, in
this life, it is really okay for us to take some risk or to lose
something in order to achieve something you want, however… if the
risk to take… if the thing to lose… is my conscience as a human,
thanks! I better end up not obtaining anything. Why? Well… it’s
simply that due to my conscience, I, who had been dwelling in hatred
throughout my childhood, am able to love some people out there. Oh!
Regarding Itou’s chief, she said another statement, “We must use
our logic. Don’t let your emotion makes you do something stupid.”
And, once again, yes! I ever said this kind of statement. For most
male, logic is almost everything! Almost… but you know what? If
being logical means to let go the ability of loving others, maybe
it’s better for me to be an illogical one. Naruto, is uhm… a
quite popular Japanese animation series about a ninja named Naruto.
Once, Naruto’s best friend, Sasuke, switched side and took the
enemy’s side. Due to that, a legendary ninja told Naruto not to
think about Sasuke’s matter anymore. He then told Naruto that
rather than taking impulsive action and end up dying as a fool,
Naruto should be wise. To this, Naruto replied, “If that’s the
meaning as being wise, I better live as a fool.” Quite… brave…
and a foolish statement, I suppose… maybe, someday, I will make a
decision just like Naruto’s… and maybe, living as a fool… is
not that bad… yeah… maybe… anybody in?

P.S:
Hey, Black Bitch! If you read this one, can I ask for another “sasuga
Wira?” Somehow it sounds cool on me ^_^ Okay, okay, I’ll go to
your blog and drop comment as a thanksgiving (“,)

It’s
been maybe almost a year since I last played Shadow Hearts 2:
Covenant, but still, somehow I could not get it out of my head. The
story of this game contains almost everything. It has comedy inside,
romance, and the complexity of a high class RPG. The game is about
Yuri Hyuga, a man who lost his lover as his lover tried to protect
his soul with her life. In this series, he met with another girl
named Karin Koenig. At the very beginning of the story, Yuri was
cursed by his foe by the use of a Holy Mistletoe. This curse would
cause him to slowly lose all of his memories and would slowly take
his life. Yuri then began a journey to purify the curse. Throughout
the story, Karin began to fall in love with Yuri. Ironically, the
reason she fell for Yuri was Yuri’s faithfulness and bottomless
love for his dead lover. During the whole story of this game, I was
moved every time I saw Karin’s insanely selfless devotion and love
for Yuri and also Yuri’s courage to give his all in order to
protect all the precious memories and the soul that his dead lover
used to love so much. Too bad that the script writer did not give
them an ideal happy ending. In the end, Karin was thrown into the
past and ended up marrying Yuri’s father while Yuri chose to end
his life as he didn’t want to lose his memories of his dead lover
(Spare me please! She’s only a dead lover). Well, I also heard this
very beautiful ballad song during the ending and ‘til today, this
song is one of my fave. Every time I listen to this song, deep
sadness envelopes my heart that I almost let out some tears as it
reminds me of separation.

Now,
actually I have faced a hell lot of separation, but the heck stuff
is… why do I suddenly feel that separation is painful? Yesterday
night, while I was still in Jakarta, I gave one of my friends,
Melody, a phone call as she plans to go to China next month. We chat
about a lot of stuff. Well, she showed her anxiety about living alone
in China. She’s afraid that she’ll suffer from homesick or she’ll
feel lonely. The fact is I, myself, am actually quite worried. This
girl has been quite a dear friend for me since we were in senior high
school. She’s two years older than me, but she’s a childish one.
I dunno what kind of life that she will live on in China and I dunno
how she will withstand the pressure from the environment, especially
when she is alone. The thought of not meeting her and the thought of
her being alone in China kinda drive me messy. Knowing this,
yesterday I gave her an absurdly lot of advices. She then suddenly
told me that I almost moved her to tears. Well… can’t really be
helped. She’s always like that and I’ve been consoling her for
quite a time, have been several years actually… it’s been better
nowadays. Somehow, she has found her happiness (hopefully, this time
is for real) and I don’t think I will see her crying for time
being, which is good cos’ seeing a dear friend crying is one of the
last things in the world I hope for it to take place.

So,
what’s the relevancy between the game and my story? Hehe… frankly
speaking, I don’t quite know ^_^ I just want to say that separation
sucks… but still, through separation we become matured. I believe
that separation is one of our most significant roads to live a better
life. In Shadow Hearts case, I believe that Karin knew that being
separated from Yuri was the best for her. The same goes for Yuri. He
must have known that being separated from his friends and died alone
was the best for him. I don’t know for Melody’s case cos’ I am
not the script writer of her life and I can’t predict future.
However, I somehow believe that, one day, if separation takes place
between us, it must be the best for her. Man… another blue day for
me… let’s call it a day then…

P. S:
For Melody, if somehow you bump into this purposeless blog (yeah,
don’t have any particular purpose in writing the whole heck stuff
here), promise me one thing, the very next time we meet, the very
next time we talk to each other, I don’t want to see or hear you
crying, kay? Huff… life is… foolish…

The
very first thing for me to say is… whatever you do, you can’t
change the fact, or rather, the reality that you cannot separate
humans from ideas, neither can you separate ideas from humans. Now,
don’t what does that mean me! Phew… I am getting really
tired from explaining things into details for you guys. Now… to
simply explain it to you dull-witted guys, when you want to know a
person, then know his idea; this rule works for the opposite, when
you want to know an idea, then know the person. Got it? … I think
you guys don’t get the point here.

Now
guys, as you guys don’t get the point, then I’ll GLADLY explain
the point for you guys, rite here… and rite now! Let’s get
startin’ then… First! Do you guys really believe that you guys
know me that well? If you answer yes, lemme tell ya then… I
think, even my best friend won’t say yes… why? Simply ‘cos
I am an unpredictable person. So, what kind of person do you think I
am? A kind one? My very pity, my friend… I am not that nice to be
called a kind person, at the opposite, I am actually a man of hatred;
I waste my days hatin’ people from one to another. A friendly one?
Now, that’s what a mistake is, my friend… I am not a sociable
person and I am practically a loner… So? A smart one? Believe me,
some of the most foolish decisions in this world, I have made ‘em.
So, let’s go back to my question, what kind of person do you think
I am? Believe me or not, I hate it the most when it comes to hatin’
people. I also don’t like being alone, being among the crowd is
better. And yes! I am a smart one, some of the wisest decisions in
this world, I have dealt with ‘em. Then, what kind of person I am
actually? To make it simple, who I am today is not who I will be
tomorrow. To simply say it, don’t you ever try to guess what I have
in mind when I write or say somethin’ cos as you do so, you’ll
make a mistake, quite a stupid one I suppose.

Well,
yes! Some of my characteristics are easy to distinguish… that’s
correct, but let me remind you, the exact one is, some of my trivial
characteristics are easy to distinguish. For example, don’t you
ever say, “I know what kind of person Wira is, he loves Japanese
music!” Well, at one point, you are correct, I love Japanese music.
However! As we get into another point, what you know about me is just
a superbly and unthinkably trivial matter. When we are going deeper
into MY characteristics, man… you are nothing… you are zero! So,
just leave the idea that you know somethin’ ‘bout me, kay?

Then,
let’s go to the second point. Do you guys really believe that you
guys are geniuses and experts in psychology? Oh, please… lemme make
it easy for you guys… THE HECK NO! You guys ain’t no geniuses and
you guys ain’t no experts in psychology, so please, for whatever’s
sake… stop playin’ smart and stop let me guess me!

The
point here is… stop guessin’ stuff! Huh? Don’t huh me! I
am referrin’ to my previous blog about the makeinu! Now, I
haven’t told you even a bit of what that is about, rite? So stop
actin’ smart and stop botherin’ me with stupid stuff as, ”We
have to talk about this!” Man! You guys are drivin’ me sane, you
know? … The heck! I didn’t do a mistyping! Now, lemme tell you
guys ‘bout myself a bit, I am an insane boy! Lemme repeat, I am an
insane boy! That’s why, please… stop doin’ silly things to me
as it will drive me sane and when I regain my heck sanity, believe
me, you won’t like this me! I am serious, when I am sane, even I,
myself, don’t like myself. So… stop buggin’ me with silly
stuff. We want a better world and we will never make it with my sane
self inside, so just leave my insane self be, got it? Yes! Now,
bugger off!

P. S:
This one is dedicated to whoever feeling involved with my previous
blog about the makeinu! You guys haven’t known a thing, so
stop pretendin’ that you guys know somethin’, kay? Yes!