Blue Ballad

Let me assume something before you read through this stuff, let me assume that you who have been celebrating Valentine with chocolate, flower, and card stuff know about the origin of this special day, rite? (cos if you don’t, that will make u some terribly desperately shallow guys)

Now, the very first question, does the origin of the valentine tells us about a girl who loved her boyfriend very much and she gave chocs to her boyfriend and they kissed each other? Or does it tell us about a boy who loved her gal very much and gave her flowers, and again, they kissed each other? … Hell, NO! So what the heck with this chocs, flowers, and cards tradition?

Okay, look… I didn’t say that I hate Valentine Day or whatsoever. Whether you want to give away chocs, flowers, or cards, I just don’t care. No, let me correct it, I absolutely don’t care! But, you know what? Okay, say that on Valentine Day you want to give away some of those things, but does that make your family disappear? Or does that make your friends disappear? Now, see… Valentine Day is a love day; it’s not a spouse day, or any boyfriend/girlfriend-crap day! That’s why you shouldn’t act as if Valentine day is a day to spend your time with your spouse like there’s no tomorrow… it’s stupid… even idiot…

Lemme tell ya, it’s just gross to know that you guys are giving chocs, flowers, and stuff here and there, blabbering that it’s a day of love, it’s just an expression of love, etc; and while we’re at it, you’re absolutely nothing and nonsense! So, cut the -Mr. /Ms. Giving away chocs/flowers on Valentine Day- crap as that won’t make the boys any -Mr. Nice guy-crap or even any -Mr. Romantic- crap, and as for girls, that won’t make you any -Ms. Tenderhearted- crap, nor a -Ms. Attentive and kindhearted- crap, so just keep it cool, will ya?

Now, it’s absolutely okay if you’re planning to give away chocs, flowers, or cards, it’s actually very okay… as long as you’re conscious about it and u’re on the rite track. If u’re just trying to doin’ a –spreadin’ some charm- crap, then just bugger off! That won’t lead you anywhere except the –wasting money day- ritual. So, stop treating love as if it’s your shit, yeah, stop acting that love is worthless shit and you’re making a use out of it! That’s what makes you a shithead!

Then… what I’m tryin’ to say? Well, I just want to say, open those blind eyes of yours, you idiot! Realize that there are a lot of people around for you to love, your mom, your dad, brother, sister, friends, etc. You won’t wait for them to be dead, rite? Hell, yeah! Then, throw those freakin’ stupid things of yours and start to please your family, your friends who have been supporting you up to this day!  

 So, even though I don’t celebrate this stuff, Happy Valentine to you guys… love your family, love your friends, okay? Cos they came long before your –would be spouse- or crush, okay? Appreciate ‘em as you wouldn’t make it here without ‘em… God bless ya…

P. S. : If, somehow, a –should not get insulted- person, get insulted, that will make ya a terribly, desperately, unluckily, sadly, miserably shallow person. So read and digest this stuff thoroughly, and think whether this stuff is meant to insult you or not, okay?

I don’t believe such thing as “coincidence.” For me, a “coincidence” is more than just a mere coincidence; it’s kiseki, something unexpected, something that should not take place at the very first place, and yet, it happened.

When I think about this life, I’ve been stumbled a lot; still, here I am, standing to face the reality. I dunno, some people make a fun, or a joke out of me, saying that I am too old to be a 2004 student. Yeah, I’m too old, make that joke you like, but that shallowness hinders you from seeing the kiseki in me. Yup, cos u always look at superficial things, and that’s what makes you shallow (note this guys, looking at superficial things only makes you shallow!).

I really don’t think that my presence here is a fault, neither it’s a coincidence. More than a year and a half here… I’ve met a lot of people and I’ve learnt a lot of things. OK, OK… It’s true! I’ve hurt myself several times and once my eyes were blinded, and that caused me a lot, losing one of my most precious things. Well, maybe that’s one of the biggest mistakes that I’ve done here. Since that day on, I have no more right to hold her tight, no more reasons to cherish her… it happened, yeah… and it sucks… still… for me, it’s kiseki. From this alone, I’ve learnt a lot of things and at least, I’ve learnt that some stories are meant to be ended… well, it’s better for ‘em to be ended.

As I recall, there are so many coincidences that have taken place in my life: A Christmas card during a lone Christmas, my decision to go to Methodist High School, a stupid encounter with my ‘would be best friend’, a friend’s betrayal, yearbook incident, my presence here, a chat on my ‘should be miserable birthday’, meeting with my bigger sis and with a stubborn lecturer. No, not mere coincidences, they’re kiseki, yeah… all of ‘em.

So, what’s the point here? Here what the point is… your life is a kiseki, got it? Your life is a kiseki! Meaning that your life is not a mere coincidence, your existence is not a mere coincidence, and it’s not a mistake. So, cut the -this life sucks-crap; No, it’s not! Open your eyes, and see! Your life is not that bad, you are the one who makes it bad. Know this, there are so many people who are unfortunate, yet, they are still grateful with the life they are given. And cut the –God damn it-crap! He’s here to bless, that’s why you shouldn’t ask for damnation! So… say goodbye to your yesterdays, say hello to your tomorrows (man, u sure have a lot of tomorrows to live on), and live a better life, maybe… someday u’ll see the kiseki in your life. God bless ya…

Dedicated to:

• Some guys who have experienced this ‘kiseki,’ that will make Johanes Chandra (a man with one the greatest kiseki which I’ve seen with my very own eyes and it influences me a lot, I really salute you, man!), Hendra Kosasih and Firgo (I really didn’t expect for both of them to come this far, happy struggling guys, you guys r doin’ great!), Yudi Jatmiko (guess, hating someone is painful, eh? Yeah, it’s better to love…) and Willy Fernando (I think it’s a brave decision to be where you are rite now… thanks for the bravery…).

• Some guys who are responsible for all of the kisekis that I’ve experienced, and that will include Paul Frans Howten (man, it did hurt me, but I’m thankful for it, u’r really a great friend, u sure taught me a lot!), Irsan Sihombing and Gahari Christine (thanks to you guys, I still go to church even until this day!), my big sis (thanks! It’s just nice to be loved by someone… I love ya sis!), Yudit (howdy! How should I put this into words? To make it short, I’m grateful that we’ve ever shared stories and moments together… if somehow u bump into this blog and read this stuff, promise me u’ll live a happy life!), and Lilieanne Bachtiar, the very first reason for me to keep singing even until this point, the very first reason for me to keep on believing even after I’ve been betrayed many times, the very first reason for me to live bravely even when I know that this life really isn’t that easy, and the very first reason for me to be grateful to my God, thanks a lot…

• God, the very first reason for me to exist and experience these kisekis.

• Myself… yeah, I just know it…