Blue Ballad

When I was in senior high school back then, a lot of teachers always said bullshit like, “there is actually no stupid people in this world. There are only the dilligent ones and the lazy ones.” Well, back then I doubted it a bit. How about now? Honestly, after all the problems I’ve been dealing with all this time, I start to believe that… it was all BULLSHIT!!!

Now, lemme tell ‘ya how this actually works. In this world there are people born smart and people born stupid. And then, what’s happening? The smart people live steadily, some make fun of those stupid people and stuff, some others try to protect them, etc. How about the stupid group? Okay, some of them accept their stupid self as it is and keep on living with that very accurate fact in their account. People say this and that, people correct them, people criticize them, and as they are aware that they are stupid, they accept hose willingly. WHILE, some others live denying this very fact, trying to pretend that they were actually smart, start to talk back, annoy some real smarties out there, make some fuss, cause some people to be anxious, and once again they get those annoyed smarties crush them even more. Now, that’s how it works.

What? I’m too harsh? Sorry, dude! It’s not me, it’s reality which is harsh… if you don’t like it, just take some drugs and have a happy delusional Christmas, sounds good? You bet!

I am starting over…

Recollecting all the crushed spirit…

Severing all the fake bonds I used to have…

Learning from all the experiences I’ve had…

Asking forgiveness for all the bad I’ve done…

Leaving behind all the vitriol-inflicting things one by one…

Hoping that a future radiant enough will be available for me…

Believing that this journey will lead me to a place I can refer to as home…

-Wira Kirros, trying to start everything over-

Some people are to greedy to be thankful of what they actually have. They have a shiny ruby in their clutch, but as they see other stone, they let go of the ruby only to find out that the stone that they see is actually nothing precious. As they go back to retrieve the ruby they leave earlier, they should come to accept the fact that the ruby is no more theirs. I used to be one of those people. I used to have a precious ruby in my possession, but I thought it was not good enough. So, I let go of it and tried to grasp for another stone, and as I came to realization, I have lost my ruby…

Today’s moral lesson: Be thankful of what you have today, be grateful that some people actually care about you, and don’t let go…
Okay, today’s a short one… GBU!

-Wira Kirros, letting go of one of his regrets-

Someone back then told me, “Praw, as a Christian, you lack of something very fundamental, you lack of love”. Since then, eight years have past. Looking back
into those words thrown at me eight years ago, today I can proudly say, “Those words are no more meant for me.” Well, yes indeed, I don’t possess so many talents as you guys do, I am not trusted into a lot of matters just as you guys are, and things, but one thing for sure, I never treat my juniors and my brethren as nuisance. No matter what people might say, I cherish them all. Taking this into account, I throw those words back at you guys, “The ones lacking love are actually you guys”. With this, I want to thank you guys for all the patience withstanding me while regarding me as nuisance.
From now on, I won’t be of any nuisance anymore… and from today on, the people I used to admire are already “dead”. That’s all. Satisfied? Your deal!

-Wira Krros, trying to sever every false bond he used to have back then-

4 AM
now, still cannot sleep… dude!

Today’s
post will deal with something like rejection… consulted the dict (read: dictionary) and found this definition on rejection: “act of rejecting”. Definition wise, it is quite simple. However, this definition isn’t really defining. I mean, to what extend could an act be referred as rejecting? You can be nice to some people but you might still be rejecting that person by just maintaining a shallow relationship. You can say you’re someone’s friend and reject him the very same time by excluding him from your mental peer. There are actually a lot of ways to reject some people. Be grateful to God that some people are either too kind or too ignorant that they won’t realize a single thing… however, some people do realize it, you know?

What I want to state here is that, I’m tired of this. Saying that we’re
friends, acting that nice and friendly, oh, dude! Drop the crap! I don’t necessitate such bullshit. If you don’t like me that much, then there is no need to try to maintain this kind of spurious and stupid fellowship.

My point is, I’m used to this, okay? And I don’t think there’s even any meaning for us to keep this all along. Let’s just stop this. Let’s get some relief for us all… I mean, don’t you think sometimes it’s tiring just to pretend? As for me, yes! It’s indeed tiring. I’m tired of pretending being innocent, trying to act as if I don’t have a clue of what’s happening while I actually know… you know what? I’m actually glad that you guys stop spamming that rubbish… things have been quite convenient since then…

p.s.:
to some of my lovely friends… you know what? You guys haven’t been any lovely even a bit. In contrast, you guys have been like… I dunno, jerk? Yeah, guess so. So what’s with all the time we’ve had together? Oh, come on… I was just pretending there. So, this is the stuff. You guys are jerk, I am a jerk, and we make a real bad team here… no, no, no… it’s not like I hate you guys, it’s
just… I don’t like you guys and I don’t like the way you guys do your stuff, that’s all! So, let’s put this to an end, kay? Thanks!

4.30
AM already… still restless… dang…

-Wira Kirros, with his bile altogether-

Just some days ago, I watched this awesomely animated series called Blassreiter. Well, the story talks about some being, that is believed to be the final evolution form of human, namely Amalgam. The thing is that, these Amalgams don’t always have human reason. Some attack humans mercilessly, some others try their best to suppress the wild instinct that has started to take root, and few still maintain their reason living to destroy other Amalgams.

Now, one of the main characters here, whose name is Joseph, is an Amalgam. However, without knowing how, he is able to maintain his reason. Therefore, he refrains from killing humans. Still, some people just can’t stand an Amalgam. Oh, come on! Watch the movie, and you’ll know why (basically it is simply because Amalgam is like some beastly monster). And, uh… so, some people, especially those who are involved in some Amalgam-hunting organization, always try to terminate Joseph, without caring why. To me, there is simply one
reason existing here. These people are simply blinded by something… and what is that? Differences! Is that so? For time being, let’s go on…

Then, in the very same story, we have Malek, a small child from foreign
country who is adopted by some German lady. So, what’s happening with him? Pitiful Malek has to endure some hardship as his schoolmates bully him everyday. They hit him, saying that Malek is a demon, drawing some weird demonic mark on Malek’s hand, and stuff. Why? Why do they do that to him? Simply becos’ Malek is different. He’s no German, that’s why. So, what’s the problem here? To your disappointment, differences! Seems like this “differences” issue can stir up some serious problems, eh? Shortly speaking, this Blassreiter talks a dang lot about this differences issue. Hmm… quite nice for an animated series ^^ Okay, move on!

It’s not too nice for me to come up with this question, but, eh… what about churches? The very churches that have been preaching about love, faith, God, salvation, sin, equality, and stuff, what about ‘em? Do they have something to do with this issue? To all Christians, to all Christian wannabes, and to all who are simply not Christian, I’m sorry for what I have to say afterward. Too bad, but
during the twelve years I’ve spent going to churches, differences has been a very disheartening issue in churches… ethnicity, languages, physical appearance, talents, social state, riches, these things really count in churches… well, okay! We know that those who dwell in churches are not angelic beings, they are simply sinful humans, so, it’s pretty sensible if they somehow succumb to sins, we know that! Oh, okay… sorry for bringing up this lame excuse. Anyway, this is the truth. We cannot simply deny it.

So, what am I trying to say? I dunno. I am tired… so many things happen, so many problems take place around me, so many facts shock me and zap me out of my insanity. I just have no more to say… I just hope for some peace… peace that would last forever… but I know it’s just impossible… dude, Heaven is still far away, eh? Taku…

p.s.: watch Blassreiter! Great animation, good design, detailed background,
awesome plot, fantastic concept, “tickling” issue, etc… you won’t regret it, believe me!

To start with, this post basically consists of merely nothing but complaints. So, if you think you are not up to this… you see the cross icon at the top right corner on this page? Please, click on that one…otherwise, move on!

Up to today, I am still amazed on how some people, who really believe that they are Christian, still actually tell lies and lame excuse in exchange for comfort in churches. I am even more amazed to see how dark, how shrewd and cunning some churches really are. The most amazing thing is to see that some people do race for power in churches. To these amazing things, the least thing I can do is takin’ long, deep breath (actually, to me, the most amazing thing is the fact that I still commit sin despite all the commitments that I’ve made).

Now, these days I am tired of criticizing people. One, it takes more than patience to criticize a person, as some people are simply block-headed and don’t really understand what it takes to understand… got what I mean here? And here goes two, criticizing people can unconsciously lead me to sin, and it did happen… often! And three, these days it takes more than a criticism to get people to change. So, the point is… I’m tired of criticizing people. I have given up on this task and decided to let other people take on this task. So, simply saying, we know that some people in churches are having a real problem. If you are one of those people, please change. If you don’t, I won’t give a care either. However, if you are not one of those people, please tell those kind of people to change, but again, if you don’t want to, don’t force yourself to. I won’t care anyway…

Then, putting about the church matter aside… nowadays, I think the world have gone a little… or maybe a lot wrong. Basically, few days ago, I went to a café alone in a hope that I could find some cozy place to read my books… then I reached at a certain café, not a cheap and lousy one, I tell ya. I took a glance at the menu and found out that the price was like quite expensive (like twenty for a glass of coffee), so basically I was expecting for a cozy, relaxing,
and comfortable café. Then, what did I get? The waiters were actually okay, I was served well. Place was nice and comfortable. The big problem here was the music they were playing, for God’s sake, they had Nidji, Letto, Ungu, and else on the air… why? I kept on asking myself, “Why?” I mean, sure! Some people have their own preference. However, if this is café we’re talking about, then I would normally expect smooth jazz, bossa nova, or at least blues! So, why the heck I was having some kinds of low-brewed music in the café? Come on! You won’t be able to have a nice and relaxing chat with such music, you won’t even be able to have a cozy date, and it’s not like you can read even a single book
either.

Question, am I too demanding? Or everything just doesn’t work all right anymore? Beats me… like I should really care anyway… just ignore this post… I’m just trying to let off steam…

A fewmonths ago, there was this drama called “Bara no Nai Hanaya” (Flower Shop without Roses) I was looking forward to watch as one of the actresses playing is my favourite actress. Yes, Shaku Yumiko! One of the most attractive actresses I’ve ever seen. That was my sole reason, pretty lame, wasn’t it? I didn’t even know what the drama was about. Some weeks ago, I finally got this series and was ready to make a royal straight flush (as I thought I would watch like 5 episodes or so in a day ^^), but I failed to do so, the question is, why? Lemme tell you, whether you want to believe it or not, I had to stop every each episode as I cried after each. It was, man… too… I dunno, tear-jerking?

Shortly speaking, I managed to make my way ‘til through all 11 episodes and
found out that, as I went on with each episode, Shaku wasn’t anything anymore. I mean, indeed, she was there in the show and she was attractive as usual, but she wasn’t the main attraction anymore, or to simply say it, I just didn’t care about her anymore. I was stunned by the plot, by the pure yet sincere love between the leading actor and actress. I really wish such love existed in this world. This then put me into a realization that human’s beauty isactually nothing compared to the beauty of life itself.

I am such a sentimental guy that I often cry out of mawkish movies and songs. To some people, this might be stupid, embarrassing, and stuff. To some others, this might be sweet, and else. I just don’t care what you guys think of me, but this is me, and I enjoy this “me.” I enjoy crying from every heartrending movie, I enjoy wasting my tears on some soppy songs on my mp3 playlist and I just love it…

With each drop tear that I shed, I start to learn more about life, about bond, about love, and about myself. I start to learn how beautiful this life that God has provided; I start to learn how precious all the bonds that I have been keeping until now; I start to learn how love can sweeten your life like a honey shot in a cup of coffee; I start to learn what I really love, what I really want to cherish, what is truly precious to me. And you know what? I am grateful that I do shed my tears now and then as it takes me into a deeper appreciation of life.

Now, let’s get back on the track. Talking about this drama “Bara no Nai Hanaya”, I won’t spoil anything ‘bout this. I do recommend that you guys grab this and enjoy for yourself. And then, uh… I don’ think that I have anything else to speak of… stop here, c ya then…

I remember how I was obsessed by existentialism back then. However, when I first learnt about its true significance, it was actually a very sad big let down. Why? Lemme tell ya, basically, existentialism talks about existence preceding essence. What does this mean? Well, this simply means that nothing creates you. At first, you’re there, and then you create for you your very own essence, your very own destiny. So, for existentialism, there is actually no God’s will, there is no God’s work, there is fate, no destiny, and else. Existentialism talks about you creating your version of truth; you imaging god according to your accordance, and else. Basically, there is no universal truth, there is no God. Which is true and which is wrong, they all depend on each person, ‘cos every person has their own truth, remember? And there is no God! You can create one for you if you want.

Oopss, where have I heard of this before? Doesn’t this sound a bit like postmodernism? Well, yes it is Actually, postmodernism is existentialism repackaged. So, errr… I remember when I took (actually it should be “I was forced to take”) a discipleship class at my church. We were discussing questions every week and the facilitator would like encourage each participant to give input with encouragement like, “Come on! Answer it! No need to be afraid or doubtful! There is no wrong answer. Every answer is correct.” This kind of encouragement seems to be pretty popular lately. Now, even though it was said for the sake of encouraging the participants, I still felt that it was just not right. I mean, for centuries, churches had been trying their best to fend off this monstrous beast called existentialism, which is now postmodernism, but she simply brought the beast in! Dude, come on!

Now, what is actually wrong about this concept? Well, I must admit that I am not THAT (it should be pronounced in a very cynical tone) open-minded. Having no wrong answer is just wrong. First, I believe in what we call as the “objective truth” meaning that while some truth can be viewed from several paradigms, but there is always a truth which is simply objective. No matter where you are, the truth will remain the same. Secondly, take note that people actually develop because they DO make mistakes and they learn from it. Imagine if you had a world in which all the people were having their own version of truth, what would you have there? Chaos and stagnancy! Why? Cos’ they wouldn’t learn anything and they wouldn’t be able to admit their mistakes. The only thing they would know was that they were right. At that point, they would then stop developing.
Scary? Yes! Cool? No way…

Let’s go to the main point (awww! After all those going-round-and-round theories, we still have the meat? Come on…)! I am always confused with those people embracing existentialism and postmodernism. I always want to ask, “Why?” They discard God from their life, and live with their own version of god, which is actually saddening. They haven’t lived their life to the end, they haven’t met God, but at very same point, they simply declare that there is no God. Oh, come on! God exists, you know? Many people met Him and live having a personal time with God every time. If you want to discard God that badly, then give some proofs… you can’t, can you? Your proofs just don’t prove anything. You don’t really know whether God exists or not.

With this post, I encourage all people to keep on believing. If you have reached the very end of your life and God still doesn’t come for you, then it’s your freedom to stop believing, but you just haven’t reached that stage, leading to another fact that you haven’t proven anything. So, please… keep on believing. I’m sure you won’t regret this. I’m sure it won’t do you any harm. This is it. I
stop here. Bless ya!

Last week, precisely last Friday, I went to Solo in order to have a culinary trip ^^ And so, I asked my little brother to pick me up and ride me to Solo as he actually lives there. The very first time I reached his house, his parents were not home. So, all of us (my lil’ bro, his lil’ sis, his gal, his gal’s big sis, and I) took our bath and went to Solo Grand Mall which was a big let down as Amplaz (Ambarukmo Plaza) is way better. However, note that from the very beginning, my mission was culinary trip so a disappointing mall wouldn’t discourage me at all.
After getting out from the not-so-grand Solo Grand Mall, we went to some food stall called ‘Wedangan Pak Di’ and this one was not a let down at all. It was a heavenly satisfaction. I took a quick glance and grabbed some items which were pork skewer, ke kian skewer (dude, how should I say ke kian I English anyway?), pork bean curd, and else. Sorry if the list of food is too unforgiving for Moslem, but those were what I grabbed. There was also this item I didn’t grab as the item was sold out due to some extreme delicacy. This item is called topi. It is like some flour shaped in certain way combined with pork and is then deep-fried so that it takes a shape like a hat. This is why it is called topi (topi is Indonesian term for ‘hat’). At the very same night, we got to enjoy some Solo’s specialty called Timlo Solo. Basically, it is a bowl of soup with egg and sosis Solo (sosis Solo is chicken meat wrapped in a fried egg) put into it. Man, it was so good. Basically speaking, first day was totally awesome.
The second day, I got nasi liwet for my breakfast. Now, don’t force me to describe this as it is way difficult for me to describe. In the afternoon, we decided to enjoy some ice. Then, we went to Solo Square which was, for once again, a let down. However, it was no big deal as for dinner we had something really special, BARBEQUE!!! Yup, read it well. Basically, they had various items such as chicken ball, squid meatball, sausage, otak-otak (small fillet made up of fish), corn, bread, etc. To add some more to my bliss, they had even had various spices from salty, sweet, spicy, mix, barbeque, pizza-taste, extra spicy, etc. Right from there, we went to some milk stall and we had ourselves some fresh milk to drink, which was both healthy and delicious, huwehehe… (oh, yeah, really?). Then, due to my everlasting hunger, I decided to follow my friend to grab some fried noodle to eat, which was actually so-so. But then, all in all, everything was good on the second day.
Now, let us go to the third day. What did I have? Too much!!! I got some delicious meatball and gudeg (some Yogyakarta’s specialty), and then pecel (arrghh! Don’t ask! Dunno how to explain), tempe kere, cabukrambak, wedang dongo, etc. I had too much that I gave up the idea of elaborating ‘em one by one. To sum everything up, going to Solo was a good decision. However, the best thing about Solo wasn’t actually the food, instead, it was my lil’ bro’s family. They welcomed me so well. They even paid for every single food I bit, without mentioning that I stayed at their house and took my bath there, etc. to add more, my lil’ bro’s mom even bought me two boxes of serabi Solo so that I could take it home for gift. Honto ni saigou no saigou made osewa ni narimashita. Basically speaking, I am grateful that I got to know ‘em and to my gratefulness, this culinary trip was a big success.
Lastly, I want to show my deepestgratitude to the Buntoros and Kumala sibling for being so nice. Someday, I hope that I can return this favor. God bless u guys’ family.